What exactly are you saying?

When you communicate with others, have you noticed your conversations go off into a whirl wind of ‘miscommunication’? How many times have conversations finished before their time? What do I mean by that?

It is so common for people in general to make assumptions about what is being said, without getting clarification as to what it meant. Someone may say, ‘you make me so mad when you do that’…… ‘You don’t support me’……. ‘When you talk to people like that it really bothers me’. You may feel those are clear messages….but to me, they aren’t! When someone talks like that, they are only reacting in that moment and it may have nothing to do with what is actually going on. What is causing them to react that way?

If someone were to say to you, ‘you make me mad when you do that’, do you know what specifically you are doing that makes them mad? If they came to me to help them find out what bothers them about what you are doing, I would ask more questions to get clarity. It may sound something like this (for ease in writing, I will talk like you are a wife)……..it bugs me how my wife always talks to people like that. How is she talking to them? She’s always sticking her nose in other people’s business. What bothers you about that? It embarrasses me when she does that. What about that embarrasses you? I just wish she would stop bothering people and leave them alone. How is she bothering them? She gets talking away and it takes forever to get any place when we go shopping. Well could you let her talk and you go do your running around and meet her back at a certain time? We went shopping together so she should just shop with me. How do you feel about standing there having nothing to contribute to the conversation or nothing to say period? How do you feel about leaving her alone with other people or you being left alone? I hate it. I did enough of that as a child and I sure don’t want to be waiting any more.

That can be a real life situation. Messages are not always clear. I kid you not. As a coach, I personally have come to experience getting clarity on what people say can lead to the most miraculous shifts in someone’s energy. That man standing there sees his wife talking away with another person. He becomes bothered about the situation at that moment and reacts. The cause of it was an issue he had in childhood where he had to wait and wait and wait. Now as an adult he doesn’t want to have to wait anymore. Can I clear that so this man no longer has issues around waiting? You bet I can! Not only will this man feel more peace in shopping with his wife…..so will his wife!

When you are talking with your spouse, partner, family or friends….you may think you know what they are saying but do you really? When someone says ‘that is bothering me’….what is in the word ‘that’? When they say ‘it always happens’….what is in the word ‘it’?

You can communicate with much more clarity and even heal your relationships when you don’t make assumptions, when you don’t make accusations, when you don’t have insinuations or when you don’t imply things. You know when you meet someone for the first time, you ask a lot of questions to get clarity on what they think or do. If you treated every conversation like that, you will be on your way to finding what your issues, causes and reactions are all about. In working with the energy in the body, the messages will stand out as to what the real issue is behind the reaction.

Also, the unfinished messages like ‘do this or else…’ or ‘when your dad gets home….’ or ‘if they don’t give me that raise this week….’ where do they lead you? What is being implied with that statement? Finished or unfinished, it leaves the door open to interpretation of some kind. Is your intention to be misunderstood?