Changing who and what?

When you don’t quite know who you are, or what you’re feeling, you may tend to want to make changes in your relationships or in the situations around you. You may feel you need to change jobs, leave your marriage, or wish your family situation was different….then things will be ‘better’ and you’ll find your self. If you change how your relationship is working, things will be better. When you get that new job, you will be so much happier. Once your mom is feeling better, your family can rest again. It’s all based on if and when things outside of you happen. Are you putting something on hold till ‘it’ happens?

You go outside of you to look to make the changes. Something about what’s going on around you is hard to deal with, causing you to want to make changes out ‘there’. This can leave you in a state of powerlessness. You have to wait for the world around you to change before you can change. Where is your focus and what really needs to change?

What do you feel has to change in your relationships or situations? For you to feel changes have to occur, there has to be something that isn’t working the way you would like it. You’re getting uncomfortable with what’s going on and that has to change. Consider what needs to change may be the changes within your self.

You are the only one who can create the changes you truly want in your life. If something is bothering you in your relationship, clear whatever it is in you and it will no longer be there to bother you. If it frustrates you to go to work because of the other staff, clear whatever is frustrating you and it will no longer have that affect on you. Whatever is affecting you in your life, you can easily clear it on an energetic level and it will not affect you again. It is that easy.

What causes relationships to degenerate over time?

Relationships of any kind can start out so great. Why do they degenerate over time? Most of the time it can be because of feeling hurt in some way. Accumulated hurt can begin with something like a slight difference of opinion, a sense of lack of importance, a feeling of unease or discord. Your mind may form images of those kinds of situations, where you put them in a box and assume this is who that person is becoming. Whatever you give a lot of energy to, grows. It can create a distance between two people. Those images become like strong judgments…which cause you to start to doubt the intensions of that person. Well, you know where this is going….when you start to doubt their intensions….when you start to not trust them….you will then start to become indifferent to each other. You mute any sense of pain within yourself and any sense of feelings in the relationship….which virtually brings it to an end.

Inability to be with hurt, whether it’s the other persons or your own….the emotions, the charges, the fears, may cause you to not stay in your relationship….which means you will more likely leave sooner than stay to work it out. The totality of your emotions, come to the fore front in a committed relationship of any kind.

In those relationships, can you move toward lesser conflict and more towards greater consciousness? Can you start to see a bigger purpose in all of what is happening? Going from the everyday life stuff of ‘they did me wrong’….to a bigger purpose where ‘what are they showing me on a day to day basis about myself?’ You see, the bigger purpose of relationships….as you grow together…those great qualities that you found so wonderful in the beginning, you may find hard to deal with now. Is it the other person that is getting hard to deal with or are those qualities the issue?

I’ll give you an example. You love how your partner is so gentle and kind with you. You haven’t been treated like that in any other relationship before. Over time, you start to feel agitated when he is gentle with you. You start to get jealous when he is so gentle and kind to other women. It becomes a bother and now an issue within your relationship. What changed? Was it your partner who seems to be the same wonderful kind and gentle partner you know……or did something change in you? You see….as you both grow together in your relationship, your heart starts to soften with the kindness, with the gentleness, and you start to open up to that great wonderful quality in you as well. If you aren’t used to that part of you, it may cause some discomfort. The feeling of jealousy may come from fear…when you start to feel that kindness and gentleness within your own heart, you may then feel the fear of losing it to someone else. Can you clear that within yourself, so jealousy is never an issue again? You bet you can! You only need to find someone like me.

Here's another example. One of the things you love about your partner is how she flows with money. She doesn’t seem to be bogged down with any financial issues at all. You think….wow, someone who doesn’t have a care in the world about money! In the beginning it’s fun to start to flow with money, like you are learning from her! Then along comes one big financial challenge in the marriage and you both have to walk through it. She wants to flow with it like she always does, but for you, now in front of your face are the financial issues, bothers, challenges that seemed to have held you back most of your life. Think of the pain in that. You start to get agitated and frustrated with her because now she’s not being responsible in your eyes….she’s not thinking things through as much as you feel you both need to do…..the list goes on. You start to feel your marriage isn’t working because she’s not listening to anything you say and she’s not this and she’s not that. Who has the issue in your relationship?

If you are both committed to grow together like in a marriage for example, each person has a responsibility to the marriage. If you were going to put it in a triangle, one point is you, one point is your partner and one point of the triad is your marriage. Each point influences the strength of the whole triangle. From my very educated experience…..energetically speaking – the person who has the issue, the bother, the problem with something that is being or not being done……they are the one who has something to clear.

They're in my life to show me what?

I got to thinking about growing up! When I was in school, I was on the honor roll and did very well. I was ‘highly recommended’ they called it – which meant I graduated without having to write a final exam. I didn’t have to worry about my smarts. That’s what helped me get to where I wanted to go in life.

What I didn’t have to worry about was my weight! I was ‘chubby’…you know one of those ‘so not like barbie types!’ I remember my weight issues being a real bothersome thing for me growing up. Coming from a family of 6 children, at times I only had one pair of ‘stretchy’ pants. Made me think about wearing out the middle of the legs in my pants and getting teased, wasn’t the greatest feeling.

My sisters were skinny and it used to bother me that I wasn’t. As well, my mom was very heavy and has been most of her life. They were some of the people around me reflecting back to me how I wasn’t happy with my body (you know that part of me that goes everywhere I go).

When I look at my life now, I see something interesting showing up. I am coming to be more at peace with my body and all its wonderment. Along with that peacefulness, comes acceptance of my self. I know I’m less and less judgmental of the size of people and I see that reflected in those around me. I attract more people who are okay with them selves, whether they are skinny or fat. I knew something had changed when I went over to my mom’s and I didn’t even notice what she was wearing (a sign that I didn’t even pay any attention to her body).

When you can be okay with being fat or being skinny, being smart or being dumb, you will not react to things related to them. Regardless of who is around you, you will be okay, which is a sign of being neutral….and that’s the place where you will find peace. The people around you reflect back to you where you are at with anything that is going on in your life. They love and support you enough to show you if there is something there for you to work through. If something bothers you, you can lovingly clear through it.

Relating to others around you...relating to your Self

Let’s look at the relationships around you today. In the relationship with your partner/spouse, how do you relate with each other? In the relationship between you and each one of your children, how do you relate with each other? With every relationship that is important to you, how do you relate with each other? If you are ‘strong’ in relating with each other, your ‘internal dynamics’ will be strong between the two of you. It will mean you will not be affected by the ‘external world’ around you!

If you and your partner/spouse relate strongly with each other, you won’t be affected by for example, the in-laws or friends who may try to influence some part of the relationship between the two of you. The same goes with each one of your children. There will be a ‘strong’ feeling between the two of you. When you come to feel that strength, you can move onto the family unit as a whole. Everyone in the family can relate coming from a place of strength with each other.

Let’s keep moving forward…what about your relationship with God? Are you strong in relating with God? If there is a weakness there, you will feel it. Now, what about your Self? Are you strong in relating with/to your Self? That may sound odd, but I assure you, if you have a weakness with your Self, you will feel it when you think about relating to your Self. By clearing your weaknesses, you will be in a stronger place within your Self….and you will feel it!

Who's in control of who?

With Valentine’s Day around the corner…I feel one of the most important qualities in a relationship with your partner is to accept the decisions they make and to support them in those decisions. That is without saying anything to the contrary! Easy? Are you kidding me! It has to be one of the toughest things for me to overcome. I’m not only talking about my husband, I’m talking about the majority of my relationships with people. In looking back, anytime I’ve ‘reacted’ to their decisions in the past, it hasn’t been a good experience. It almost felt like I wished I wouldn’t have said anything.

‘Reacting’ shows up when you try to talk them out of their decision for some reason. It can come from thinking you know what would be better than they do. It can come from those times where you thought you were smarter or it can go deep down to where you wanted them to do what you wanted them to do (maybe be with you instead of going out with their friends). Talk about controlling issues. I know I’ve come from all those places at one time or another. It truly has been my reaction that showed me my lessons. If I don’t get it the first time, it shows up again. The Universe is so good about making sure I get it one of these times.

Almost every time I’ve reacted to some of the decisions my husband has made, I’ve come to a place of seeing how what I did was wrong (if I could use that word); how what I did was not called for. One time he made plans to do some building in the garage. I talked him out of it so we could be together that night. He changed his plans and what ended up happening was I got a call to do some energy work on someone who needed it that night. If I would have accepted my husband’s decision to work in the garage, and supported him, we would have both been in a place to do what we were both called to do that night.

The other side of that is true as well. My husband made plans to do some building and I was at peace with those plans. I knew we would be together later. What happened was his plans changed and I got to be with him the whole night.

When we get ourselves out of the way allowing life to flow, it does so for the highest good of the whole involved. We don’t see what is planned for us or the others in our life for that matter. Are you okay with that? Who’s in control of who?

Now looking back, was it something from childhood?

When I work on people for their issues and pains, I can get to a place with some people where something in their childhood comes up as a source of their pain. Some get quite defensive saying they had a great childhood and how their mom and dad are wonderful loving people. I continue to follow the clearing of what I get and when I’m done, I ask about the pain. They say it’s gone.

I was sitting in the airport this past weekend. I saw a mom interacting with her two daughters. The youngest one looked about 2 years old and was being held by the mom. The other daughter I would say was about 4 years old. She wanted to be held by the mom as well. When her mom wouldn’t hold her, the 4 year old yelled at the 2 year old and then at the mom, as she was trying to push her way into her mom’s arms to be cuddled as well. It didn’t happen. She resigned herself to the fact that she wasn’t going to be held and with a mad look on her face, went to sit in another chair.

Something as simple as that could cause issues for that child when she gets to adulthood. If that child goes through a phase where she continues to be sent away, she may grow up to feel ‘no matter what she does her mother won’t give her attention’ and if her mother does give her attention, it may show up in the form of punishment for acting out or yelling. She may also grow up to resent her sister getting all the attention. It can start as young as that. Then as an adult, she may get into relationships where she goes through a stage where her partner doesn’t giver her much attention. Will it be because the partner is being mean? What is her partner showing her?

You see, your central nervous system registers everything that goes on in your life. The hurts and pains will manifest in your life through your physical body or in your relationships of all kinds. When they show up, they can easily be cleared at an energetic level. When you connect to the solution of your problem, your issue will be resolved, regardless of where it originated!